Here’s the thing, when we thought about having children, we didn’t think things would be a disaster every day. We didn’t think we would be trying not to scream in the middle of the night over stepping on a Lego on your way to the bathroom. We didn’t think we would be kicking a hot wheel car and accidently hit a kid(that doesn’t belong to you in the head) while having a slumber party at your house either. I have said so many things, that is either my mother coming out of my mouth or things I never thought I would say. Here is 10 of them...
10. My son was two, learning to potty on his own and brush his teeth on his own. He went to the bathroom and flushed like he was supposed to. It was time to brush his teeth before bed, his 8-month-old sister started crying so I walked out to go see what the problem was. I come back into the bathroom after getting the baby her bottle to find my child has stuck his tooth brush in the toilet only to brush his teeth after... Yeah, nasty right? What do you think I started yelling... DON’T BRUSH YOUR TEETH AFTER YOU JUST PUT YOUR TOOTHBRUSH IN THE TOILET!!!! Want to know the worse part of it? He had pooped while I was gone... How? I have no idea; I only grabbed the baby her bottle.... Kids Man.
9. Right after my daughter turned two, she started noticing Mom had these bubble things on her chest. When she asked me what they were, I told her they were my boobs and that she would eventually have them when she got older too. She has called them Boobaz ever since.... Yeah this is how I explained it to her too, stop laughing. Now she will just randomly start lifting up her shirt yelling “I HAVE BOOBAZ!!!!” So, what do I do? Doesn’t matter if we are in a parking lot, a grocery store, or a restaurant, “PUT YOUR BOOBAZ AWAY! YOU’RE A LITTLE LADY!” Great one Mom, you’ve done it again....
8. I took both of my kids (age 4 and 3) out to dinner one night. They were behaving better than could be expected from their age group...for now anyways. We were almost through with dinner, when my son had to go to the bathroom. So, I take him to the boy's room and go sit back down, don’t yell at me we weren't that far and the restaurant was damn near empty. Now, I did happen to say they were behaved right? Meaning, no hitting, no kicking or tattle taling, they were actually being polite, using their manners and laughing together. The sweet sibling stuff you can only dream of. My son walks out of the bathroom with everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING, hanging out of his pants, yelling to me, “Mom, Mr. Pee Pee is stuck!” Fits of giggles came from the employees as I covered my face walking over to my four-year-old boy to help. The only thing I could tell him was... “Well, this is why we wear boxers!”
7. My daughter is currently fully potty trained, or so I thought. My daughter started crying one night, and said she couldn’t get the poop off her butt. She started screaming and jumping up and down, flinging poop everywhere! Finally, I got her to calm down, and put her in the tub to clean up this giant poop mess all over her. After I sprayed her butt off, and everything went down the drain, I started the bath water so she could play while I cleaned up the poop all over my bathroom. I grabbed everything I would need, got down on the floor, and as I started cleaning this giant poop mess, my nose caught this sweet, delicious smell. When I took a closer look, it in fact was NOT poop. She was wiping herself with chocolate covered hands.... Who does that??? Oh, that’s right, kids do.
6. I came home from work one day, my mother was babysitting my kids, and I heard whining and crying coming out of my son's bedroom. Of course being the concerned parent I am, I went to see what was going on and why my boy was crying. Next thing I hear, my daughter says “Here baby, here’s your bottle!” I'm thinking to myself, “What baby do we have? There should only be a couple of kids here?” I turn the corner to see my daughter tucking my son into bed with her baby doll’s bottle saying “Goodnight baby, have a good nap!” She goes to turn away taking the blanket her brother was covered in, and the baby bottle out of the room with her. The look on his face was like, “What just happened here?”
5. I woke up hearing barking one morning, at 4:30 in the morning. I don’t have a damn dog, so why am I being woken up to barking and howling coming from inside my house? I walk into the living room, to see my children perched on the top of my couch, looking out the window, howling at the moon. Did I really sign up for this?
4. When your talking about having a baby, or winding up pregnant, people tell you things like, "Sleep when the baby sleeps, your going to need it.” or “Make sure your diaper bag stays completely full at all times.” “Don't change the litter box.” “Don’t drink to much caffeine, its bad for the baby.” “Don’t go down stairs after 32 weeks, you don’t need to fall and hurt the baby.” You know what I wish somebody would have told me when I got pregnant? “Hey, just a tip, cover that thing so you don’t get covered in left overs while trying to change a diaper.” Or how about, “If you take a shower with the baby, If its extra warm, don’t go toward the water.” I learned my lesson the hard way.
3. My son was eighteen months when he had his first major trip to the hospital. He was in the bathtub as I was getting his bath going. He was so excited he was running back and forth...until he wasn’t anymore. He slipped, fell and smacked the bottom of his chin on the side of the tub. He had to go get 3 stitches in his chin. About an hour or two after stitches, he was pulling them out, like it was nothing.
2. I will have to post the last two later, as my son has taken off with my glasses, and is currently playing hide and go seek with them.
1. KIDS ARE AWESOME!
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